Episode 63 - Breaking the Inner Glass Ceiling with Jen Murtagh
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Hello and welcome to your Estate Matters. I'm Nicole Garton. Today, we're talking about something that sits right beside estate planning, and that is how we live the second half of life with intention. Many people reach a point in midlife where something no longer fits. It may be retirement, caregiving, widowhood, a health scare, an empty nest, or simply the quiet feeling that life is asking for something different. My guest today is Jen Murtagh, co-founder of Maturn, Leadership coach, speaker, and creator of a framework she calls Brave Connectedness. Jen is a former C-suite executive, a heart disease survivor, and an advocate for women's heart health. And she's someone who has truly lived her own reinvention story. Jen helps people move through fear, quiet the inner critic, and take small, brave steps toward a life that feels more aligned, meaningful, and true.
Nicole Garton 00:01:25 So, Jen, thank you so much for joining us. I'm really excited to introduce someone who's had such an extraordinary career. And, you know, you've been a C-suite executive. You led the National Pink Shirt Day campaign. You've raised millions and millions for causes, and then you walked away from it all. Tell us about that. And was there a moment where you decided to make that big change?
Jen Murtagh 00:01:49 Yeah. And when you say the big change, do you mean the referral from, like, leaving kind of the corporate nonprofit world and then starting my journey in entrepreneurship, right? Yeah. You know, someone once said to me like, don't wait for a life changing moment to change your life. And so I recognized there might not be something cataclysmic that made me want to make the change. I think what kept coming up with the little whispers for a really long time before I decided to answer the call of the whispers and the whispers sort of came. Like, is this what you really want to be doing? Are you truly happy with the way that work and life integrate? Is this working for you anymore? From a context perspective? I was working about 60 hours a week with four kids at home and a dad who had stage four prostate cancer who was a paraplegic.
Jen Murtagh 00:02:35 And so there was, you know, as a lot of women hold, that mental load piece was huge. And I recognized I kept just butting up against feeling burnt out, exhausted, resentful. And I thought, there's got to be a different way for making an impact and doing work that matters and how my life meets that. And so I did make a really big leap on the entrepreneurship side. And there was a lot that went into that. There was a lot of financial consideration, a lot of coaching and really redefining. Sometimes I think we have to prune to expand, so sometimes we have to just cut it all back in order to see where it's going to grow next. And I leaned into that pretty hard.
Nicole Garton 00:03:22 So what I'm hearing is that it was multiple, sort of, thoughts or whispers, as you say, rather than one big moment when you realized you wanted to make that change.
Jen Murtagh 00:03:34 And I do think that's quite normal for a lot of people. You know we kind of feel those whispers and we dial the voice down for a multitude of reasons.
Jen Murtagh 00:03:43 You know we might say rather than letting ourselves be curious about the whisper, you know, if I could be curious about what I'm hearing, what would I give myself permission to explore, and a lot of people just shut it down right at the whisper. And so I'm glad I didn't.
Nicole Garton 00:03:59 So maybe do you think it's midlife that gives you that perspective instead of sort of mindlessly being on the treadmill, that you start to think about being more thoughtful about what the next chapter is, or the final act of your career in life?
Jen Murtagh 00:04:12 Yeah, I think for a lot of people, you know, these bigger questions can come for a multitude of reasons. You know, I was on a call today where someone told me, you know, their best friend just passed away last week, and that has drastically altered their feeling around just life and work and family and all those sorts of things. And I think that can happen. But I also think, like, deep down, our soul knows. But if we are so busy, if we are so disconnected from our bodies, from our inner wisdom, from our body, wisdom from our soul, we might not hear what it's trying to tell us.
Jen Murtagh 00:04:48 And so I would say things became clear for me when I really got out of my head and I got into my body, and I started to open up that dialogue between my head and my heart. I started to hear in a field different things that I hadn't been feeling for a while because I was on the hamster wheel, like so many people are just racing through life.
Nicole Garton 00:05:05 So speaking of the body and the physical piece, you're a heart disease survivor. So for listeners who are dealing with their own health challenges, how did that frame for you? What really matters?
Jen Murtagh 00:05:19 I think it redefined what I've already known. That was a big shock. So I was diagnosed with a 90% blockage in the largest artery of my heart about a year and a half ago, kind of found out by accident. And there was a part of me that thought, wow, I lived really stressed out for a really long period of time. I wonder if that had any correlation with, you know, the arteries being blocked, which, you know, research does.
Jen Murtagh 00:05:46 So stress has a correlation with heart disease. And so I think it really reaffirmed for me the importance of slowing down, resisting the racing, because I have this old operating system that kicks in really often where she's the driver, she's like, let's get stuff done, let's move ahead. Let's say yes to this, let's say yes to this. And then all of a sudden I'm feeling depleted again and I'm like, oh gosh, I ended up here again. Here we go again. And I think the heart disease part really just redefined what is most important and how I want to spend my time. And that life can change very quickly for people.
Nicole Garton 00:06:25 So you've helped many women navigating major life transitions at work and at home. How does that personal experience frame that?
Jen Murtagh 00:06:34 You know, so I co-founded an organization called Maturn, and we support women at work through key life stages. So we meet women at the intersection of a fertility journey, maternity leave, motherhood and perimenopause and menopause. How really Maturn was born was from my own challenges with maternity leave and the return back to work.
Jen Murtagh 00:06:53 And so I was a very ambitious, very career driven young woman. When I had my first and she had colic, she screamed about 4 to 6 hours a day. For the first four months of her life. I had a partner at the time who traveled a lot for work, and I felt very lonely, very ill equipped with dealing with a screaming baby every day on my own. And I remember returning back to work, just like a shell of who I was before I left. And it wasn't until about ten years later the fog started to lift and I started to ask questions like, why is that not a programme that supports ambitious women through maternity leave and the return to work? This is an identity shift. It's a big change, especially if so much of your worth and value comes from your productivity, your career, and then that piece of motherhood and how the two reconcile. And so that was the original sort of impetus and inspiration for the co-creation of My Turn. You know, women are disproportionately advantaged by these key life stages, and they need more support, and organizations need to structurally change as well.
Nicole Garton 00:07:58 So let's talk about those life transitions. So they're real, sometimes, very painful shifts. So what are the common triggers you see like might be retirement or caregiving or menopause. Like what do you see in your work?
Jen Murtagh 00:08:15 I think I've seen more and more now is the perimenopause and menopause piece like that is really being amplified. I think generationally the generation before us, there was a lot of stigma and there was a lot of silence. There was a lot of pushing through really hard stuff and there was a lot of suffering. And so what I'm seeing with this generation of women is they don't want to suffer. They want the answers. They want to talk about it at work, and they want deeper support, and they're not afraid to ask for it. And they're not afraid to say, you know what? I wasn't as sharp as I used to be. Perimenopause has drastically impacted my stamina, my cognitive abilities. It's not just about hot flashes, it's also about the changes emotionally, mentally. And I think what's happening for a lot of women in this season of life are bigger existential questions.
Jen Murtagh 00:09:04 Who am I? You know, what do I want my legacy and impact to be? Do I want to stay in this job? Do I want to keep feeling unsupported? A lot of women in this season of life, I think are self actualizing. They've moved through. If we think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, they've moved through the self-esteem phase. They've been like, yeah, that was cool. I had the title, I had everything, and it still didn't feel great. And now what? What have I come to do here with my life? And what kind of change, what kind of impact do I want to have? So that's what I hear a lot of is women wanting to also change the system.
Nicole Garton 00:09:39 So one thing I've heard from many clients in estate planning is the sense of being caught off guard. They've planned their careers, they're planning financially for retirement, but nobody's prepared them for the emotional side of these transitions. So what does that look like for people going through these life transitions, whether it be menopause or retirement and the loss of that perceived external status?
Jen Murtagh 00:10:02 I think a lot is going on.
Jen Murtagh 00:10:04 I think you can be postpartum and perimenopausal now at the same time with women having children later. I think there's a lot of different parts that come to the surface. Whether you're contemplating what your exit looks like in 5 to 10 years. But I think deeper, it's about what's most important to you. What are your core values? Who are you? What do you want to do with your life? What does impact mean to you? Because we are more than just our caregiving roles. We are more than just our work titles. And so I think that before contemplating or transitioning through some of those big life changes, actually opening up the hood and doing some deeper inner work about who you are and what's important, you can help shape what your continued trajectory looks like, because that has a direct correlation to purpose, and purpose has a direct correlation to longevity, you know, and there's lots of research that shows that looking at like the blue zones, right. People that feel this deep sense of purpose also tend to live longer.
Nicole Garton 00:11:11 Tell me about this reinvention. Is it as much grieving what you thought you were going to have or or tell me about that?
Jen Murtagh 00:11:19 Yeah, I think that's a huge part of it. I think we have been conditioned and been told who we should be in this world, and a lot of the priming has come from that. I think what can be so powerful is that redefinition. And for me, that came when I went through a separation and divorce. It was sort of like, whoa, okay. Who was I before the world told me who I should be? Right. I should go to university. I should get a house. I should get married. I should have children. Like, I didn't even contemplate or question that plan. I just followed along blindly because that's what I thought I needed to do. And I think for myself and for a lot of women, it's like the reclamation of who you are. What were some of the things that were most important to you before the world told you who you should be? And then what are the parts that you want to hold onto of that older part of you? But then also like, what are you moving towards? Who are you becoming in this season of life? And if you want to move towards bravery or courage or spontaneity or adventure, like what are the kinds of things that you're going to need to do differently in your life? I had a friend the other day.
Jen Murtagh 00:12:28 She said to me, say no to make room for yes. And that really sat with me because I think so often our instant answer is yes. You know, especially for people pleasers. But when we say yes to everything, we're often saying no to ourselves and what's most important to us. So that's my new motto. Say no to make room for the hell. Yes.
Nicole Garton 00:12:50 So you've talked about an inner glass ceiling. What's that about?
Jen Murtagh 00:12:54 Yeah. An inner glass ceiling is just another way to name some of those limiting beliefs that so many of us hold. And I certainly held so many throughout my life in terms of who I thought I was and what was or wasn't possible for me. Based on that, I started to question the inner glass ceiling I had placed on myself. And these are really our own limits. And these become entrenched narratives about who we are. Women tend to make more meaning from our experiences, so we make meaning from them in a way that's like, I'm not good enough.
Jen Murtagh 00:13:30 I'll never be that way. Oh, that's for other people, and a lot of that is co-created in our heads. One of the most important books that I ever read was by Byron Katie, and she guides you through these four questions that she calls the work. And basically I started to question all my beliefs, my own inner glass ceiling constructed through these four questions 1: Is it true? 2: Can I absolutely know for sure that it's true? 3: Who am I when I believe that thought? What do I do? How do I feel? And then 4: Who am I without the thought and what would I do differently? And so anytime I feel like I'm reconstructing that inner glass ceiling, I start asking myself those four questions again. And it really does help bring a lot of perspective to things that we think are our truth. But really, it's often the voice of fear.
Nicole Garton 00:14:23 So I love Byron Katie, too, and one of the things that I remember about her, which helps me sort of contain rumination is her construct is at your business, other people's business or God's business.
Nicole Garton 00:14:38 And that's like, is this within my modicum of control? You know, that is your business. Is this other people's business? Like, am I fretting about other people's lives or situations that really don't have anything to do with me? And finally, is it God's business? I don't think she means that religiously, but it's this like, you know, are we going to have cancer? Is there going to be a world war, you know, like things completely out of our control? And so she has a lot of constructs that take you out of these unhelpful sort of ruminations that we can get ourselves stuck into sometimes.
Jen Murtagh 00:15:14 Yeah. Reminds me of something Michelle Obama said. And she said, what other people think about us is none of our business.
Nicole Garton 00:15:20 Yeah, that's a good one.
Jen Murtagh 00:15:21 And I try to think about that a lot, because we often make decisions based on what we think other people are going to think.
Nicole Garton 00:15:29 And that's also sort of I think a midlife transition in that we sort of instinctively stop referencing that in our lives.
Nicole Garton 00:15:37 And it's funny, I don't know when it starts happening, but suddenly, you know, what people thought of us was really important. Certainly in 20s, 30s, maybe 40s. But as we get older it's like, well, they'll think what they think.
Jen Murtagh 00:15:49 Yeah. And that's very freeing.
Nicole Garton 00:15:51 Yes. Yeah. So you also have another framework you call Brave Connectedness. Can you talk to us about that?
Jen Murtagh 00:15:58 Yeah. When I started my coaching business. So I was an executive coach while I still am, I primarily do group, but one on one break. Connectedness was really about the reclamation of who I was as a little girl. I was really brave. But then slowly I started to move further and further away from that to the point where I didn't even really remember who I was anymore. So the brave connectedness really was inspired by my own reconnection back to my bravery. And sometimes it's not about women. We think we're going to wake up one day with this never failing glorious confidence and everything's just going to be so much easier.
Jen Murtagh 00:16:39 It's just a lie, I think we tell ourselves. And so I think about it every day is like, how can I show up and be brave in this moment and not let fear really take the driver's seat? I know that my inner critic, I know fear, shows up for me and it's okay. I know it's in the car for the ride. I just try not to let it take the driver's seat or take direction from it. I just acknowledge it there. I understand where you're here. You're trying to, you know, keep me safe and keep me small, and I know better. And so brake connectedness is that really our ability to just reconnect back to that bravery that we all inherently have?
Nicole Garton 00:17:19 So if listeners want to do acts of bravery, what would you suggest they start with?
Jen Murtagh 00:17:24 I always say like, start with something small. You know, when you go into the gym and you haven't been there in a while, you don't start throwing around like 30 pounds? Well, I certainly don't.
Jen Murtagh 00:17:32 I start with like, tents and, you know, build my way up. So my tiny acts of bravery might be different from your tiny acts of bravery. And so sometimes that might mean leaning into a courageous conversation that's really difficult to have. That might mean saying, I'm really tired this week and I don't have the ability to do that. Or thank you so much for thinking of me, I'm not available. That might mean for me, sometimes my kids want me to pick them up and I say, you have a bus pass, you can take the bus. The fearful side of me is like what may happen to them and you know, you should be there for them, you know, all the time. Be readily available. My brave self is like, no, they can be independent as well. Like that's a brave thing for me to do. So it might not be for some people, but it is for me again. We come back to that like, who are you becoming? What are you moving towards? You know, what part would feel brave? And so I think often about my future self, like what would she do? What would she tell me to do? And then I try to embody that.
Nicole Garton 00:18:38 So listening to you, there can be tiny acts, there can be big acts. So let's talk about people facing midlife and reinvention. It doesn't have to necessarily mean blowing everything up. Like what can it look like if people want to just take that first step?
Jen Murtagh 00:18:52 Yeah. A lot of people can't just blow up their whole lives, especially financially. You know, like, I really had to figure out financially how I was going to continue to pay my mortgage while I left, you know, a very stable six figure job. It wasn't an overnight thing. It was really a process. And so I think for most people, again, like don't wait for that life-changing moment to change your life. I think gaining clarity for you on what feels most important to you in this season of life. If you know, my coach asked me what would feel impossible. That would be a dream come true. And I remember I wrote all these things down. And then I started to say, you know what? I'm going to call up on my bravery and give myself permission to explore this whisper without getting attached to the outcome.
Jen Murtagh 00:19:42 Because if I thought all of a sudden, oh, you're going to be a coach, you're going to create a new company. I didn't know any of that. You have to sometimes trust that things will unfold as they are meant to. Sometimes it's about just getting on the path. I think for a lot of people we're linear, right? It's like, okay, I need to know the five year business plan or like the five year plan in order to take the first step. And you don't need that, and you really just need a bit of bravery, some trust. And things can unfold the way that they are meant to. I do believe in that from any universe perspective. You know, take the step and the path will appear. I mean, it's worked for me, and I've seen it work for so many people that I've worked with.
Nicole Garton 00:20:26 I'm glad you talked about the financial considerations, because I'm just reflecting on what listeners may think, and they may think, oh, is this a conversation of privilege? Like, I want to be self-actualized as much as I can when so many people are really struggling financially.
Nicole Garton 00:20:41 I think there's some stat that if people had a $400 unexpected expense, that the majority of people wouldn't necessarily have those resources. So if that's the lived reality of so many of us, is reinvention a luxury, or is this something that we can do in realistic terms?
Jen Murtagh 00:20:57 I'm glad you brought that up. I mean, there's so much intersectionality to this conversation. As someone who grew up with a single mom on the poverty line who wasn't sure if we were going to have, like, food in the fridge, my mom was certainly not thinking or talking about self-actualization, you know, because she was in survival. Again, thinking of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? Like she was way down in survival. She didn't even reach self-esteem because that's where she needed to stay in order to survive. And so I recognized that I have an immense amount of privilege. When I was a single mom myself, I had to stay in my job because there was no financial cushion or safety net. And so I think it's a conversation not of like complete reinvention, but I think what everyone can come back to, regardless of what financial position you're in, is what are your core values? What feels most important to you? How can you live in alignment with those in a way that feels like you're living inside of your own integrity? Because when you make decisions from your core values and what's most important to you, it's really hard to feel like you're making the wrong decision.
Jen Murtagh 00:22:10 Now, I didn't make a lot of money for a really quite a few years, and I would not have been able to make that leap. Had it been a different sort of. Financial position. And it happened slowly and over time, and I did have to completely adjust my lifestyle. However, as an adult, I've never worried about whether we are going to be able to put food in the fridge? Am I going to be able to pay my bills? Not like we did when we were growing up. However, I have seen many people who grew up in worse conditions now kind of, you know, doing so well in this life. And when I've had conversations with them, a lot of it came down to their beliefs and their ability to change their life and change their circumstances. And that was incredibly powerful for them and getting support along the way to do that. So there's a lot of intersectionality here, and I'm glad that you know, you really rose to that.
Nicole Garton 00:23:07 So I was also a single mother.
Nicole Garton 00:23:09 And when you have that single-minded focus of providing, it's actually very clarifying in some ways that single focus on needing to provide financially and being responsible for little people actually really clarified my thinking. And actually, I think today, some of the success that I had in business was actually as a result of fundamental decisions I made from the position of necessity. So I guess you can see it from different ways.
Jen Murtagh 00:23:40 Well, from struggle often comes strength, right? You know, I mean, I bankrolled my whole university. I paid off $40,000 in student loans. Like, I kind of made myself. And I'm actually grateful for that experience because it taught me a lot of character. It taught me more about who I was. If everything was easy, if everything was handed to me on a silver platter, I don't think I'd be as evolved as I am. Not saying I'm so evolved, but it has shaped my path for sure.
Nicole Garton 00:24:09 Yeah, it gives you empathy and understanding, and there's no more confidence than having done it on your own from difficult circumstances.
Nicole Garton 00:24:16 Nothing can be earned other than that experience. So what did you stop doing when you wanted to reinvent your life? Instead of what did you start doing?
Jen Murtagh 00:24:25 I would say I stopped relying so much on other people's opinions and what they thought I should be doing. I see a lot of people do this when they're going or contemplating through times of transition. They are externally seeking. What do you think? What do you think I should do? Here is my skill set. What should I go into next? I really kind of turn that back on myself, and I really started to go inward as much as possible. Now, as much as opportunities come through, usually a matrix of relationships, I was less reliant on other people and more attuned to sort of myself and what was unfolding. So I would say I stopped relying on external validation so much. I also stopped over functioning, people pleasing, overworking. I started saying things like, oh, I don't do that anymore. I know that's what I did in the past, but things have changed now.
Jen Murtagh 00:25:19 I started saying no to things. I started to conserve my energy for myself, and I really started to try and attune to a different like, instead of trying to figure it out in my head. I really started a lot of more somatic practices getting into my body, things that I would have discounted as like, woo, woo. Like that's like, yeah, time for that. I'm like, type A and I'll just figure it out. Yeah, that was the only path forward for me.
Nicole Garton 00:25:51 That's funny because I just met with this high level portfolio manager who told me somatic and practices and breathwork changed his life. So it can be surprising how we find these things. So I want to talk about the role of community and relationships when somebody is trying to reinvent themselves. So for a lot of people in midlife, loneliness and isolation is a real issue. You know, our society now, especially post-Covid, and we're living in our little silos. How do we manage the lack of connections and community resources that we usually have, especially as people are approaching retirement or maybe even losing partners?
Jen Murtagh 00:26:30 I heard this quote once and it was you can't become yourself by yourself.
Jen Murtagh 00:26:35 It's really hard to navigate through times of challenge, whether that's like a personal shift for you, whether it's, you know, you're going through the loss of someone, but it's really hard to do that work on your own in isolation. And so I would say through the hardest times in my life, including very intentional changes, including through periods of grief as I have leaned hard into community and my own community. And so I kind of got my own board of directors together, which included, you know, an osteopath, a counselor, sometimes an energy healer, really, depending on, you know, what I had financial means for and what I needed at the time. But I also really turned to creating community. And so I created the connections that I wanted to nurture and really just started asking women to meet up for coffees or go for dinners, and then have created now a bit of a brave woman's group for a lot of other women that are in sort of a similar season of life. And so I think that it's really about during those times, you have to surround yourself by community, whatever community means to you.
Jen Murtagh 00:27:50 And there's a lot of research, again, correlated to longevity and community. Social connections are incredibly important. Now, in saying that, I think you get the most benefit when you can be vulnerable in some of those safe spaces, when you can sort of speak your truth and have people there to hold you. I think if you're in community and you're not sharing and you're not opening yourself up, you're not going to get the true benefits from the connections as you will when you show up as who you really are. And hopefully you have the safety in those spaces to be able to do that.
Nicole Garton 00:28:24 Let's talk about that. Like what does this look like? As people evolve, they go through midlife. There's caregiving, widowhood, health scares. Like how can people manage those transitions and identity shifts and what role does community play or not?
Jen Murtagh 00:28:40 I mean, I don't know how you go through those on your own. It's very difficult. And I think it can be ten times harder than when you have people that are surrounding you.
Jen Murtagh 00:28:50 So there's, you know, tapping into things that are already available. Like a lot of our return programs support a lot of women through these transitions and changes. Our programs are usually around 30 to 40 women. So we really need that community piece because I think what happens is when you share your experience with others, it also helps normalize what we tend to internalize as women that we're creating meaning from. I'm the only one struggling, I'm the only one kind of going through that. And the thing is, that's just not true. I've seen this easier for women to do. There seems to be more of an openness. I see it less, you know, with my husband, he might not be as vulnerable and open as I might be, you know, with some of my friends. And so I think it's, you know, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It's like the law of averages. So who are you spending your time with and are they bringing you up or are they bringing you down, or are they making things so lighter? Are they making things feel harder? I know I've had to let go of some legacy relationships in the last couple of years.
Jen Murtagh 00:29:50 Sometimes we evolve out of friendship groups as well, and that's okay. But you can seek I mean, I've sought out community through volunteer work, through community services that the community center, through my own connections at work, through book clubs, like they're out there. Sometimes we just have to open ourselves up to them.
Nicole Garton 00:30:13 So I was going to ask you about that. So you're a super connector type, but for somebody who's that's not their strength, like they want to build community, they're feeling that isolation. What's a first step they could take if they want to start rebuilding that connection.
Jen Murtagh 00:30:28 I would say start with an interest that they have, you know, start with a personal interest and then start looking online. An example of that was like, I liked marketing, I liked hiking, like I would go online and be like hiking groups for women on the North Shore or in Richmond. And there's so much information online. I was starting out with Community Center, your local community center. There's also a ton.
Jen Murtagh 00:30:53 I'm going to maybe a yoga class or an exercise class. I always meet people through that as well. So sometimes starting with an interest immediately fosters some sort of connection with someone. I also just started talking to people more and being more friendly. Now a lot of people think they're introverts, right? It's like, oh, I don't like that stuff. Well, you know, can you do one thing, you know, where you kind of connect with someone? There's lots of different ways you can do it. AI is such a great tool now to seek out some of these things that you're interested in. It can give you so many different options in your community, especially if you're not working anymore and you're looking for that. It is really vital for our longevity.
Nicole Garton 00:31:40 There's people going through a major life transition, so maybe it might be a new relationship, retirement, widowhood, health events, their legal and financial planning needs to change too. Do you think people underestimate how much inner life shift eventually requires outer life decisions.
Nicole Garton 00:31:56 Like, we do this work and then we become different people and we have to rebuild our lives. Like, what do you see?
Jen Murtagh 00:32:03 I see some people that just plow ahead and don't lean into it, and it catches up with them later on in life in some sort of way. And I see a lot of people come to the conclusion that they are more introspective, especially if you're thinking about, you know, divorce, you know, how did I show up in that relationship? What feels really important to leave behind? What do I want to ensure I have moving forward? So redefining what's most important to you is really important. I'm a huge believer in leaning into inner work, and how I've done that is through a multitude of different modalities, including therapy, including energy healing, including listening to podcast journaling, yoga, meditation, anything that gets me out of my head and into my body. And I think a lot of clarity can come from that. When you kind of clear away the noise.
Jen Murtagh 00:33:01 Things can become clearer for you. But in order for things to come in, there needs to be space. I often hear from people, oh, like, my best ideas come when I'm running or I'm in the shower. I'm like, yes, because you're alone. It's like. It's like, might be the only time where you are alone. It feels like it is the space to come through or you're connected with your body when you're running or.
Nicole Garton 00:33:23 And you're not on a screen.
Jen Murtagh 00:33:25 Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think it's increasingly hard for people to not be distracted and not be doing something.
Nicole Garton 00:33:34 So what's the most common mistake you see people making when they are facing a major life transition?
Jen Murtagh 00:33:41 I think not realizing that they don't need to do it alone. I think what I've seen for a lot of people and I've experienced myself, is this kind of turtle–this protective shell that starts to be put around you. I know when I went through my divorce, I felt a lot of shame and like I'd messed up.
Jen Murtagh 00:34:02 And so I kept people at a distance because I didn't want them to see me struggling. That didn't feel safe. And I also just felt kind of embarrassed because I thought I was a failure. And so whatever the circumstances, you know, even when you're going through grief, that can be very lonely and you kind of can see, you know, two different people. They pull back and shut people out where they expand and come forward and say, okay, I'm open to the support. And the people that I have seen that have done better in the long run are the people that have just been open to being supported and being held. I think that we create a lot of stories about what it means to be supported. And so some of my narratives I used to hold on to is: one, I should be able to do this all on my own. Two, I'm only a value when I'm of service to people. Three, if I let people support me, I'm going to owe them. Four, if I let people support me, I'm going to be a burden to them.
Jen Murtagh 00:35:06 And so we create stories about what it means to be open to support. And that blocks our ability to have support. But the deeper, truer story is, the more open we are, the more deeply connected our relationships are, the more open to support, the more powerful we are, because we have more energy for other things. And so I often think to myself, like, I have put a lot of deposits in the giving bank, you know, I have a friend that's going through trouble, hey, I'm going to bring you meals. You just lost your job. Let's get on a coaching call. I'm going to help you find a new one. Like you're sick. You can't walk your dog. I'll be right over there. Like, you know, so many of us are givers, but we really resist withdrawals. And so I think to myself, you know what? I've done a lot of giving in the giving bank. I can take a few withdrawals. So I'm going to be open to support on this one.
Jen Murtagh 00:36:01 And that kind of shift can really be transformational change for people. And it's difficult to do.
Nicole Garton 00:36:08 So say there's someone listening, they're sitting at their kitchen table and they're thinking, you know, the life that I built doesn't fit me anymore. What's the first step they could take in finding a new place?
Jen Murtagh 00:36:20 I would ask them to get clearer on how will they know when they're inside of a life that they love? Like, what would they see? What would they feel? What would they be hearing? What would they be noticing? I would get clear on what part of this life does not feel like it's aligned for me anymore. And what would a life in alignment feel like for me? How do I want to feel? And then getting clear about, like, what's getting in the way of that. Is it a job or is it a relationship? Is it the stories I'm telling myself every day? Is the inner critic? Is it my mother in law? It's been like, what is blocking? Is it financial constraints? And that's okay.
Jen Murtagh 00:36:59 I have a vision board of this, like, beautiful house that sits, like, right over here. I'm not there yet. I don't even know when I'm going to be there. But I can let myself believe that one day I will be in a home that feels just amazing for me. It is like a big dream I've always had since I was a little girl. And I'm going to like, let myself have that and I'm going to think of along the way like, what are some small ways to get there? Maybe I can't get there right now, but could I make my home a little nicer? Could I paint the wall? Is there some things that I could do that can make that shift for me in small ways? It doesn't need to be all or nothing, but I would start there. I would start with understanding, like how do you want to feel and what is getting in the way of you feeling that way?
Nicole Garton 00:37:48 So what if somebody is saying it's too late for me, I'm too old, my ship has sailed.
Nicole Garton 00:37:54 What would you say to them?
Jen Murtagh 00:37:55 I would say it's time to smash that inner glass ceiling. You know, that is a limiting belief. I'm too old. Okay, let's look at some people who have transformed their lives in their 70s. I bet you there is overwhelming evidence. Just go on Instagram like, you know. I mean, I think some of the people hit, like their swan song in their 60s and 70s were never too old. We always have the ability to change and grow and show up differently and invite new things in and say no to other things. So whenever I think of a belief, I think of like, is there any evidence? Is there evidence to the contrary? You know that I'm not too old. And so I would definitely ask yourself some bigger, bolder questions because those stories will keep you small. They'll keep you in your nice little safety comfort zone, and then you're never going to know what it could have been like.
Nicole Garton 00:38:56 So if listeners could take one thing away from today, what would you tell them?
Jen Murtagh 00:39:00 I would say that you are worthy of what you want for your life, whatever that looks like.
Jen Murtagh 00:39:06 Personally, professionally, change. You are worthy of that and that matters. You know your needs are important too. It might not be, again, like we say, just like blowing up our lives, but it could. It might be. If I believed I was worthy, what would I do differently this week? You know what is one small change that could get me closer to where I want to be? Because when we think about, like, a ship turning around, it just doesn't turn easily like a big ship does not. It's like one little degree and one little degree and one little. And then over a long term we see it moving. So being patient with the process. I'd say that's been my biggest lesson in life. It's not always going to unfold in the timeline that you might want it to. And so being patient with the process of whatever change looks like for you.
Nicole Garton 00:40:05 Jen this has been amazing. Thank you so much for all your incredible wisdom and sharing your story with us.
Nicole Garton 00:40:11 It's been really wonderful.
Jen Murtagh 00:40:12 I love what you're doing. I love what you're leading on this podcast. Thank you. It's such a privilege.
Nicole Garton 00:40:24 Jen thank you. This has been a really inspiring and honest conversation. What stands out for me is how many people, at this stage of life are carrying a quiet sense that something needs to change, but they don't know where to start. Jen's message is that you don't need to have it all figured out. You just need to take one small, brave step. And as your life changes, your planning should change with it. Jen, thank you again for sharing your expertise and your story with us. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered individual, legal, financial or tax advice. Make sure to consult the advisor of your choice to advise you on your own circumstances.
Nicole Garton 00:41:01 Thank you for joining us for this episode of Your Estate Matters. If you like this podcast, make sure to follow it on your podcast platform of choice. Whether you're planning your own estate or you're acting as executor for somebody else's heritage, trust can help partner with Heritage Trust to protect your family, your assets, and your legacy.
Nicole Garton 00:41:20 If you'd like more information about Heritage Trust, please visit our website at Heritage Trust Company.
Nicole Garton 00:41:33 This podcast is produced by Podfather Creative.
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